Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
