I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
