Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
