He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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