last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
