They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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