If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
