your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I supernannyed him into submission
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
