I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
