Soap is not a condiment
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize