My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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