I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
