i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
