I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
