guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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