i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
