I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I supernannyed him into submission
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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