last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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