Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
