My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
