I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
