Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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