But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize