Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
