She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
