yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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