1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
