I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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