it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
