Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
