just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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