I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize