how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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