hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He better not be in your backpack
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
