Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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