I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize