first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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