So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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