he thought i was a dude.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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