Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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