It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
