after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
