We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
