No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
