Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
