Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize