if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
