and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize