so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
