it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
