I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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