I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
