I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
