there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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