a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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