Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
