Whod you bang
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
