y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
