you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
