i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
