your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
