are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
More tranny stories later!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize