There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
