Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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