ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
