thus making me awesome and them whores
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
