Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
