I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
