they need to just BURY HIM!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
