the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
