Whod you bang
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
