my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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