im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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